The plot left alot to be desired. Pretty model gets captured. Tortured. Then escapes by killing the killer and a few cops. There is a twist, as there always seems to be, however, it was un-original, definately predictable to fans of the genre…

Elisha Cuthbert features as the boring Jennifer Tree. As with every other role she has ever played she is that pretty-blonde model. Although the acting definately wouldn’t be considered her best, i can safely say fans of hers will be impressed with the inclusion of a sex scene and some gun action. Towards the end of the film her character did stray slightly outside the box, choosing to aim at a mans genitalia. Woo girl power! The spice girls are back!

There were some good points. The cinematography was striking especially at the beginning, although this seemed to fade and within ten minutes the film had reverted to looking like any other Hollywood horror. See the opening scene featuring a torture victim in a plaster-of-paris body cast. A fresh method of killing someone!

In all this what seemed to be quite an exciting different horror film quickly turned into the mainstream boredom. Every aspect of the film was stereotypical. The characters. The plot. The location. Everything that should be needed to make a horror film, it just didn’t work.

Far too mainstream
The girl meets door meets Resident Evil 5/10

Wrong Turn 2 is by no means ground-breaking. Don’t expect some brand-new polished horror concept that no director has ever thought of before. Fraid not. It follows that tried and tested and tried some more, concept of mutant in-breds in woods eating unfortunate passers by. Deep down we all secretly love it!..

Wrong Turn 2 puts a slightly different spin on it, by introducing the idea of a “Big Brother” style TV show called “Ultimate Survivor : Apocalypse” where six survivors of a ‘nuclear apocalypse’ have to live for five days for a shot at $100,000. There are some ground rules that you’re told, but in all honestly I forgot them before the show even begun, as the brutality kicks in from the word go. And boy does it kick in; from the very first death the film had a lot to live up to. I sat there dumb struck for a few seconds, then burst into laughter upon seeing it. More deaths like that please!

There are some eye-gougingly huge plot holes present that if you want to enjoy the film you must look over. Most obviously, who did the research for the show, and didn’t think to ask the family of inbred mutants nearby whether they would interfere? And how did they not notice them whilst putting up the 30+ video cameras that are used to record the show. Oh well. Maybe they were on vacation.

If you fancy cheering on a family of mutants, to wipe out a cast of (purposefully?) annoying wannabe celebrities, eagerly awaiting every death, then maybe you will just love this.

A long way from great but saved by Joe Lynch. Can’t wait to see what he comes up with next.

Big Brother meets The Hills Have Eyes 5/10

In true Tarantino style the violence in this film is the most hard hitting i have seen of any film. Even if technically it isn’t a true Tarantino production. Don’t expect the odd spray of blood here and there to let you know where you stand, no chance, the first killing is as cringe-worthy as every other death to follow, and far more outlandish than anything I remember in the original. Naked women bathing in blood, scythes, battle axes, decapitations, a bolt-cutter taken to a man’s genitalia, a women’s face getting angle-grinded, This film does it all with buckets of fake blood.

As far as storyline goes im afraid its almost exactly identical to the original, a complete mirrored image. Substitute, women instead of men into the first film, a spa break instead of a sleazy hostel and you’re left holding the identical script. Cmon, what did you expect? Any sort of originality? I’m afraid not. It did end surprisingly early (possibly because I watched it in two sittings), leaving me feeling like I missed the conclusions to quite a few characters. Perhaps it was left open ended to allow for another sequel, hey who wouldn’t go see it, more money for the fat cats, but personally I felt the ending was a little too abrupt.

American horrors will never hold a particularly fond place in my heart. Ever since there rip-off of every Japanese classic under the sun (multiple times over) I find it difficult to take them too seriously. If you don’t expect too much from Hostel Part 2 i think you will be pleasantly surprised. It is definitely one of the better horror franchises out there. With the imminent release of Saw 4 it will be interesting to compare.

If you fancy a night in with lashings of ultra violence, and not alot else, this is definitely the one to watch
Viddy well little brother, Viddy Wel

As with my earlier review of Spiderman, it goes without saying that the special effects in this are breath-taking. I am positive any film from now on with a marvel name can expect this kind of treatment. So go get yourself a high def TV, a blu-ray player and a copy of this. Who cares if its worth the money, it will physically rattle your senses…

One huge bugbear of mine about this film. Was the portrayel of Galactus and The Silver Surfer. Galactus was such a completely different character to the comic books that he shouldnt of even had the same name. This sounds like something that only elitist comic nerds would complain about (partially true) but what were they thinking, making such a hugely well known character so ridiculously different. Its like handing angry fans a loaded pistol and asking them not to shoot the director. Tempting.

Aside from this, the film works. The storyline is entertaining in a very hollywood way. Johnny Flames firey emotions play off against the silver surfers enigmatic icey persona perfectly. This makes for some great banter, although slightly juvenile, clearly aimed at keeping the pg audience and attending fanboys satisfied.

Worth watching just to hear Reed’s “i got a sexy girlfriend by being a nerd…haha!” speech.
Approxamately 250% better than the original, and 500% more polished. 6/10

Well one thing’s for sure, you can fling on your spidey jammy’s once more kiddies, Spidey is back and he doesn’t suck (he bites)

So how much better is this movie than the last? Considerably. Spiderman 2 was quite simply the original film with a different bad guy. An octopus instead of a goblin. Spiderman 3 however actually begins to introduce new storylines, yes you will still see him hanging off that US flag for hours on end (oh the patriot!) but this film really brings new directions to the movie franchise…

One part definitely worth a mention is the, “Spidey turned black” scenes. Where Mr Maguire dons black eyeliner, a fitted black shirt and walks with his best ‘hey ladies’ swagger. Clearly these scenes were playing on the comic book aspect of Spiderman, and viewed with a certain amount of (enormous) tongue-in-cheek, add to the amusement of the film. Whatever you do, please don’t take these scenes seriously.

At points the storyline can get a tad messy. At the height of the action with three bad-guys on the run. The Goblin, Venom and The Sandman. In my honest opinion, being somewhat of a comic book geek myself, and admiring Venom as one of the greatest bad-guys of all time there is part of me that wants to scream out and tell you all how he died far too easily and not nearly enough screen-time was devoted to him, but as a non-psychotic viewer, it was sufficient.

The computer graphics are absolutely breath-taking; no doubt due to the ridiculous amounts of money thrown at the production by Sony and the pressure to produce a winner by Marvel. But it was worth it. I am annoyed to an extent at how such an average film can make such other-worldly amounts of money but it does make sense.

Spiderman 3 epitomizes the phrase “for all the family”
Need Halloween costume ideas? Look no further! 7/10

Being a bit of a computer game fanatic myself it relished the fact that I could watch geeks playing games for an hour and a half. Within minutes I thought my girlfriend would be fast asleep when infact we were both enjoying it…

This is definitely not a typical Hollywood horror. What I have come to expect from the standard American horror is an appaulingly weak, overdone storyline (one killer, one house, a few lost best friends), with copious amounts of gore in an effort to conceal all the problems.

Stay alive is definitely not the most self-involved horror I have ever seen. It’s light hearted fun at its best. Seeing Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle, getting chased down by a Lady in Red (Chris de Burgh anyone?) in horse drawn carriage was surprisingly unnerving. Infact, almost every character death managed to strum up some form of emotion in me; even if not the exact emotion always expected.

Stay alive is a fresh fun horror, with a storyline to match. Definitely original in my mind.

The film was cast reasonably well, with Frankie Muniz from Malcolm in the Middle playing the geeky kid Swinkz. As per every other horror out there, there was an excessively annoying Blonde girl, the type that makes you shout “Shut the f**k up!” at the screen and has every romantic plot available draped around her. She needn’t have been kept alive as long as she was. She featured in one particularly annoying scene with the lead man (I forget his name) which was far too drawn out. It really bugged me, nigh on beginning to ruin the film. You’ll know what I mean when you watch it. It’s one of those “Ahhh Ahhh We’re going to die!” moments, followed by “I love you and always had” only seconds later, with the killer looming only closer. Annoying.

Overall Stay Alive is a great little film. It wasn’t helped by some overly harsh reviews, but if you want an enjoyable few hours, with some beers, chocolate and maybe the cat, then this should suit you to a tee.

Think the Goonies meets Resident Evil 7.5/10

Paradise Lost markets itself as an “edge-of-the-seat” ultra gorey horror. I swear, i must have blinked and missed the horror. The version of the film i watched was also advertised as the “extreme” edition, featuring only one scene i would classify as “gorey”, oooh a girls insides, i have seen worse on ER. No really, I have…

The story goes(this wont take long) some american tourists meet some british tourists in Brazil, get stranded, taken out into a house in the middle of nowhere, and guess what happens. No, They dont all die, that would of made the film slightly more entertaining, Infact, i dont remember how many die but it clearly wasn’t enough.

As i said Paradise Lost cleverly pretends to be a Horror slasher, when in reality it lets down in this deparment, acting more of an advertisment for holidays in Brazil (Lots of drink, lots of very “free” women). Even after the film turns its “horror mode” on i can only vaguely remember one scene that could be excused as horror.

Another major disappointment was the way the film was edited. Technically the shots were nothing special, but they were comprehendable. This was then coupled by an editor who didn’t think to watch the film through once he had finished. Characters vanished mid-scene, then turned up again later on. It made viewing a joke.

I fail to see how it managed to pick-up as many rave reviews as it did, it is an abysmal horror and a boring thriller.

Cast-Away meets ER 3/10

The original Resident Evil was a very easy to watch, brainless horror. Plenty of blood and gore, and a vaguely interesting, if somewhat un-imaginative storyline. I enjoyed it. However Resident Evil Apocolypse, the sequel, was a complete let down. Not even worth a mention, so i’m not going to. Lets pretend it never happened. So how did the third in this series, Extinction compare? It could of been a lot worse! (and better)…

The world is almost completely destroyed. Every country has been wiped out by the T-Virus. The remaining non-zombies are living in giant bunkers underground, or moving from city to city. Alice, the superhuman who’s blood holds the key to reversing the virus is travelling from city to city seeking refuge. She meets some people in trucks and promises to take them to the zombie-free promised land of Alaska! Why did none of them think of that before? Im guessing zombies cant stand a cool breeze!

Director Russell Mulachy, who became famous for his epic Highlander series, over compensates in every way where this film falters. Piling in more and more zombie deaths to cover the constantly growing cracks. Kind of like a cowboy builder desperately trying to stop a wall falling down.

Extinction does live up to the brain-dead, completely obvious franchise. Ripping off every scene of George A. Romero they can find en route, hoping the viewer wont notice. Sorry Russell.
The special effects were definately above average. Watching Alice grow in power, learning to control her telekinetic, psionic, mind-control or whatever they were called, powers. Lets face it, 90% of the men who go to watch this are going purely to see Milla Jovovich. The same as ultraviolt. The same as .45
One addition to the Resident Evil series were the T-Virus infected crows which highlighted a well crafted, pretty darn cool scene. Alfred Hitchcock anyone? At least they tried a different director i guess.

This is worth going to see if you are a fan of the series, or wish to watch a sub-par Romero rip-off.
Un-imaginative. Brainless, but not hideous. (kind of like a zombie nurse) 7/10

Directed by Joe Wright who I felt used this as an opportunity try and make a decent version of Pride and Prejudice; or possibly an excuse to work with the beautiful Keira Knightly again. However, Atonement makes up in every way that Pride and Prejudice lacked, and gives a great deal more…

The cinematography of Atonement is simply breathtaking. Using bold captivating shots to shock the viewer, burning the most important scenes in the film into the viewer’s sub-conscious. There is an extended shot at Dunkirk, tracking the length of the beach as our hero walks along, invisible to the people around him. I think I can safely say I have never been so blown away by a single shot. It continues without a cut for about five minutes which helps bring the viewer right into the middle of the action. Combined with joyous cheers, soldiers singing sombre prayers, and the gunshots of horses dying i too couldn’t wait to see those white cliffs again. It is worth the admission price alone. Seriously. If you don’t enjoy that I will eat my leg. (Sorry! still in zombie mode.)

I found the score to be somewhat monotonous and tedious although still perfectly suitable. I enjoyed the way the sounds of the type-wrtier were progressively layered to create an original score, however, this grew more tiresome every time it was played, which seemed to be almost every scene. In general It did what music should do, letting you know the tone of the situation, it just didn’t blow me away, which it really could of.

The acting in Atonement is superb, definitely Keira Knightly’s most accomplished role yet. I can only hope she is given more adult roles like this in the future. Keira, if your reading please stop even considering playing that swashbuckling strong-minded female!

One other point I feel I must note is how exceptionally well cast the film was, as Briony grew up, each of the actors that played were remarkably similar (even the hair cut!) which really helped keep the film flowing. James McAvoy also did an excellent job “playing” Knightly’s lover, although lets face it, who wouldn’t?

Overall; the only let down for me was a monotonous musical score and a somewhat obvious plot twist. I would definitely love to see Atonement again, although I can imagine it not being as enthralling off the big screen

Gorgeous Cast. Gorgeous Cinematography. Gorgeous!
Dunkirk has never looked this good! 9/10

Take one digital versatile disc, one very versatile director and one plane. Fill it with every feasible over the top character stereotype under the sun, drown from tip-to-toe in blood and await they’re outlandish exit. It sounds like any other zombie cult classic (possibly swapping the plane for a mall) and to begin with, I was almost quite excited.

We have the old pilot who’s on his last day on the job. The brave good-looking police officer who was born to save the day. The quick witted (camp?) criminal. The arguing horny teenagers, even the scornful nun made an appearance. After this initial inspiring few minutes the film turned into a lack-lustre blend of Con-air and Final Destination, minus the blood or tattoo’s. It really grinds my gears when films do this… Especially b-movie inspired zombie flicks. People are clearly watching for the blood and guts, half the film needn’t be “setting the scene”. The title of the film sets the scene plenty in my books, or a quick 2 minute introduction would have done. Not nearly an hour of toe tapping action where I can count the number of zombie encounters on one finger. There was no b-movie hilarity, no tongue-in-cheek, just pure boredom.

Luckily however the pace of the film did eventually pick up in a style remarkably similar to snakes on a plane, even if pre-production started prior to that film.
If you are one of the lucky few to have enough stamina to make it through the first hour you may catch glimpse of some of the spectacularly gruesome deaths the film has to offer, zombies being impaled on un-open umbrellas, or having their heads knocked off by a professional golfer and his 9 iron, each accompanied by a suitable one-liner. The type of gore every self-respecting zombie fan loves to see.
If like me, you feel the need to chuckle maybe even cry at the site of this completely brilliant over the top gore then don’t leave me hanging. Just me?

Kevin J O’Conners role as Frank Lee Strathmore, the criminal everybody suspected to begin with acts somewhat as a highlight of film. Delivering every line with that 60’s b-movie campness which some of the other actors could have learned from. He also gave the plot a slight twist that I found refreshing, however small.

If your thinking the only original thing about Flight of The Dead is the fact the zombies are now on a plane then you couldn’t be more right. Don’t watch this expecting greater things. This film harks back to the days of Evil Dead when zombies screamed for 20 minutes before they died, and if that’s what you enjoy give this a look.

Overall it gets 5/10; I doubt I’ll remember it tomorrow.